Crawling is a down-to-earth activity

Crawling in and under bushes is an internationally recognized and educational means of recreation. It is a real down-to-earth entertainment for those who enjoy the nature and its offerings.

The original “concept of crawling” emerged among ancient hunters, guerrilla, and boy scouts. Skills of approaching game, enemies or girl scouts’ camp unnoticed kept the ones engaged in food, alive or virile. Nowadays the objects are more recreational. Masses of modern crawlers enthusiastically observe the life of ants and other ground insects, or try to e.g. photograph bigger beasts. The ones with the most advanced cameras are in professional circles called “paparazzi crawlers”, or “paparoos”. “Paparoos” are the lowest and for this reason the most efficient professionals in the field. The “paparoos” who use to climb up trees or fences, for getting a better view of an object, are called “kangaroos”.

Most real enthusiasts exercise alone and decisively. Crawling in company is not very practical as the underlying idea is to remain unnoticed. A crawling pal is always too noisy, and especially female companions may distract your attention from more important issues. Observing and finding things that miss the eye in an upright position is the clue. Something really valuable may come up when you least expect. Crawling in a lake or a swimming pool is completely out of this scenario as staying alive, i.e. holding the head above water surface is the first priority. The fish don’t understand it at all. Going “solo” is not important in water related crawling situations. This is something the fish do understand. Meaningful crawling has to be purpose-oriented, and performed in a manner that provides you with some real substance to be used in your later projects. One requirement is a properly kept crawling log where you record your findings and make plans for future operations. Statistical analysis of the terrain, used clothing, utilized daylight or night light, and overall results will guide you in terms of finding the best possible techniques. And finally a warning word; this is no peeping business, but an honest sport.

Many of us get the first training package before learning to walk. However, as the feet quite soon start covering all the needs of moving from point A to B, proper memorization easily remains undone. As a novice recreational crawler, the first real-time efforts should be done in a safe environment. Your own bed provides you with under growth simulation (bedclothes) and soft ground. Later training can be done in a garden or in a nearby forest if it is secure enough. Although the valves of car tires may look interesting, it is not recommended to do any training on parking lots. Also, if you have selected a nearby forest for a practicing ground, don’t cross occasional roads by crawling, not even if you planned to use a zebra crossing. Save the exercises to a somewhat safer place. For those who are afraid of getting lost, a sports ground with a lineated running track is the best choice. If you are heavily short-sighted, you should use the innermost track where the track edging is within the reach of your left hand.

For saving travelling expenses and time, home training is a good choice for a beginner. The training base on the left is far too small for the proper extension of legs and arms as the one on the right has been ergonomically designed. Correct height of the undergrowth prevents getting lost during the exercise.

Learning proper crawling technique is relatively easy. If the first preference is to move unnoticed, you should apply the so-called “navel-base” technique that is not far from “slithering”. However, as the “slithering” is generally executed without the help of arms and knees, using a camera or binoculars is awfully complicated. More information about different “slithering moves” can be found in our guide book Snakes on society ladder. If you’d like to move fast, the so-called “on-the-four” style is better. In the “navel-base” crawling your chin, chest, belly button, pelvis, knees and ankles are pretty much in contact with the surface, or according to professional vocabulary, ”the base”. In some countries, novice military servicemen are trained to learn it by making them crawl under live gunfire aimed 30 – 45cm above the base. Many of them absorb the “navel-base” technique unbelievably fast. “On-the-four” technique would understandably be fatal as the head would be much higher, and the arms and legs would bring the body in the line of fire. If the crawler is not shot at, and the “navel-base” style has been unsuccessful, it may be better to rely on faster means of moving in retreat. These include the earlier mentioned “on-the-four” and the so-called “running”. The “running” technique will be discussed in detail in our new guide book How to solve awkward situations. Long-distance (5 – 10km) exercises can be carried out on public jogging tracks. The best time for these exercises is after sunset; the so-called “running” can be tried there too.

Proper equipment is essential for a successful performance. Ideal crawling gear may include some or all of the following: 

- Waterproof camouflaged clothing with padded elbow, breast and knee parts. 

- Balaclava or ski mask. Ski goggles are optional. 

- Ice-hockey-type chin guard. 

- Gloves, possibly taped up to the wrist.

- Training shoes or boots, taped to the calves. 

- Trousers should not be taped up to the waist too fast.

- Toilet paper.

- Mosquito repellent 

- Antihistamine medication, in case of hay allergy.

- Compass and map, possibly a GPS tracker.

- Binoculars, magnifying glass, or camera, depending on the task. 

- On jogging track, a safety flag in order to avoid untoward collisions with joggers.

For scientific testing, an anesthetized experimental animal had a safety flag installed in an appropriate anatomical structure. The highest standards of surgical protocol were followed to the point. On the right, an internal adapter that will stabilize the warning flag and a simple surgical kit, needed for the procedure.

Unexpected incidents may always take place, and thus an expert crawler is always alert and prepared. Ants or other insects seldom cause any trouble, but snakes and particularly gnawers can become a real nuisance if you have forgotten some bread crumbs in your pocket. Bigger animals like deer, elk, foxes, rabbits, and cows make excellent targets for observation. If your intention is to study the essence of cows at a very close range, an umbrella or a milking pail may provide you with protection and an element of distraction. Beware the mine field that often surrounds them. Bird-watchers are a constant worry for harmless crawlers. Unconcerned “oddballs” who carelessly stomp on everything may cause unforeseen harm to anyone below waistline. Continuous staring at the heavens can’t be good for anyone’s health. Also, they call hunters and all other camouflaged fellow-men “savages”, but they themselves are one big bunch of “loose cannons”. Remember to keep your mobile phone switched off; a bird watcher may incorrectly take it as a birdsong, and walk over you.

Over the last couple of years, urban crawling tours have become increasingly common especially among the students of the local Institute of Agriculture and Forestry. This so called “pub crawling”, however, can’t be taken as a sport, but is more or less absurd to distraction. Those who fall into trying it should keep in mind the earlier warnings about crossing streets. The above mentioned red warning flag could save lives. If the flags were colour coded, separated members of different groups would more easily find each other when the tour is done.

All in all, outdoor pursuits are an excellent means for improving personal and national health, relieve stress, find new friends and absorb new experiences. By keeping our eyes open for new things, we may find a completely new world of adventure, previously unknown to us. In that sense, crawling as a hobby is no exception. This of course includes the bird watchers too. Actually, at some primitive level, some of us sympathize the bird people as we all share the common interest of observing the nature. Also, bird watchers in their towers make an excellent object for studying from underneath. The International Association of Sport Crawlers has already made an initiative to improve our cross-scientific relations. This genuine move verifies another generally known fact; scientific studies have beyond dispute attested that as human beings the crawlers gradually grow in the direction of honesty, frankness and sincerity. The crawlers do not beat the bushes. 

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All images published in accordance with © 2011 Pirjo’s, Molly’s and poor penguin's Copyright Clause MMXI.

No experimental soft toy animals were harmed in the creation of this story.