My name is Richo

My name is Richo and people don’t like me. I really don't understand, why! They try to get rid of me all the time by trampling and kicking me continuously. They say I and my pals are different and call us names; faces they make only occasionally. I would consider us "the most extreme outcasts of society". I also feel isolated as I and most of my pals are kept in cages that move from one place to another so often. I’m cocooned. On the other hand, there are some bright sides in my life too - I have to confess. Relatively often I get a new or a recently washed outfit that especially in winter makes me feel warm. 

Now this may sound weird: Although I’m complaining about so often being closed in my room, it is this home that keeps me alive, more or less. In summer, when I quite often get out, I'll be in a real danger. Surprisingly, I don’t like bright light and too dry places very much. I suppose I'm a sort of habitual nightclub wet head. The winters are not that bad as I feel comfortable in my outfit and my home is warm. Moreover, there is less chance to get sunlight or too much fresh air. Perhaps I'm just getting schizophrenic.

Now I have to tell you that I find myself a kind of city person in these somewhat weird circumstances. In countryside, I have cousins who live a completely different kind of life. They almost enjoy fresh country air although they like rain too. Anyway, these cousins of mine keep their heads high up and are one proud lot. On the other hand, there are dangers too: many of them get their heads chopped off if local politics go sour. I don’t envy them as people can be so cruel and narrow-minded. 

But then, I and my buddies have some threats too. People try to poison us in most peculiar ways. I've been treated with snake oil, vinegar and even some drugs. A couple times I have been stabbed, and only luckily survived. Once, after giving me knife, a guy poured pure vinegar in my wounds. But, very soon he was really sorry for that. Last summer, someone tried to drown me a couple of times. However, I laughed a dirty laugh as I'm an excellent swimmer and enjoy water - no chance in that territory with my whole family and buddies. Actually, I prefer indoor swimming pools to beaches. 

So, I'm a city person, but still I’m not a real sports fan although in one way I benefit from things related to sports events. Now I have to say I'm not talking about advertising, vice versa. In our line of work excessive advertising could end up in peril. Neither is vending sausages nor popcorn our cup of tea. As to actual sports, tennis, squash and track & field sports are not bad although I sometimes become claustrophobic or frustrated, whatever they mean. I have a bit mixed feelings about soccer. American football is just fine as kicking ball is there so much less frequent. For obvious reasons, I really don’t like ball kicking. Swimming is really enjoyable as I already mentioned. All winter sports are completely horrible. But then, wrestlers are my favourites. I really fancy wrestlers. 

Now I’m awfully sorry, I haven’t properly introduced myself and my family. The name “Richo” is short for my original name Trichophyton rubrum. Using some imagination, someone could think that my name actually means a "T-rex Richo rubbing python snake", but it doesn't. I have no such inclinations. After all, my life is very regular, and I'm strictly heterofungal. However, my address is not at all the same every day; I may have different quarters seven days a week. Anyway, I have to tell you that perhaps the dearest house I have ever occupied is the one where I spent all my youth. My first home was a warm and cosy sneaker, and my host took good care of me, providing all the necessary nutrients I needed for growing big and strong. He didn't play much soccer, but spent a plenty of time in sports facilities. 

This is where I took my first steps. I did it blind. This is my passport picture. 

Our family has really nothing to do with popcorn or any other vending business, but as we like to extend our turf, we utilize the shower rooms of sports facilities. As I told, wrestlers slimy mats are excellent for our purposes. Hiding first in a wet wrestling or shower room mat, and then attacking a victim unexpectedly may sound creepy, but that’s our livelihood. It is essential if we're intending to form a new family. Nevertheless, I have to say that most of our new hosts should be grateful to us as from that moment on we’ll manage the security of the shoe, and we’ll guarantee that no unwanted multi legged parasite will enter our symbiotic environment. In the dressing room, the fragrance we often excrete creates a fraternal atmosphere and strengthens team spirit. Also, later on, it may dispel too friendly approaches of the opposite gender. This task we're ready to carry out even if we had been exposed to unfamiliar eyes. However, it doesn't happen too often; the appearance has for centuries been the Achilles' heel of our hosts. I just wonder if the ancestress of all Trichophytons' hosts once held their progenitor by a toe when dipping him in River Styx. 

Uncomprehending people sometimes try to drown us; you remember I have some experience of it. However, the only outcome is that fragrance deliveries will be behind of schedule, and defending host may be compromised. On the other hand, sun exposure in this environment may physically jeopardise our existence and thus hamper our defensive task and responsibility of the host's well-being. Nevertheless, social pressure is on our side. Some people consider our looks somewhat odd, and if the host too often introduced us to the public, his or her self-esteem could suffer. 

As mentioned, in terms of alleged, stereotyped appearance and health enthusiasm, we have become the victims of this time. The benefits we provide, also declared above, have been shadowed by unjustified fear and prejudice. If a hypothetical host, under the pressure from ignorant relatives or friends, is prone to end our fruitful collaboration and dismiss us from the premises, he or she of course has several options. Some efforts, recorded in our age-old Natural History of Fungi, have been made by using tee tree oil or grapefruit seed extract, even snakeroot, but most of us just laugh at them. What we really are worried about are some real drugs that actually may make our life difficult. And then there are those who just aim at driving us crazy by rubbing funny creams on our inner home roof and door; there actually are creams that may help itching of skin, but will boost our ability to extend territory. These hosts are so funny; we are here to stay - period. 

I really have a large number of cousins living in the countryside. At some point, some of their family members lived here in the city too, but gradually their pure size started causing problems. One after another they moved to areas where there was more living space, and now only few daredevils occupy mostly wasteland in sparsely habited blocks. On the other hand, these brave guys only seldom need to be worried about having the head chopped off as city pollution that fills their tissues is a big enough deterrent for most enemies. Also, I've been told about a distant relative who on Friday, September 28, 1928, decided to elope to get married, but in all hurry accidentally jumped into a Petri dish in London. They say he became a traitor. 

So, people still hate me - in my opinion unreasonably. Although I still at times feel isolated and claustrophobic, overall I have to be happy with my life at home. In the back of my head there is a smouldering thought: what about moving to the country where I have so many friends and relatives. This idea of mine most likely will never come true. My present home is essential for the survival, and winning over the host and shoes would be just a bit too tricky. 

Well, so long for now, perhaps one day we'll meet. Our family tree is an evolving business. 

My country cousin "Penny Bun", living quiet life her head high up. Her whole name is Boletus edulis.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. 

The picture of "Penny Bun" was copied from Wikipedia, and published in accordance with the CreativeCommons terms http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/. 

Symbiotic Honolulu birds

All know that Hawaii is the birth state of Nicole Kidman , Barack Obama and Bette Midler, and that it's the youngest of the US states. Its capital is Honolulu. Actually, is there anything else to tell about this relatively small group of islands in The Pacific Ocean...? Oh yes, there is something pretty essential.

Hawaii is a major tourist attraction, and a variety of birds and "birds" live and especially visit it every year. What makes a difference is that most of the birds learn to fly very young, but the "birds" will never manage without help. Many of those that can't fly have been imported, and live in man-made constructions called "houses" or "buildings". The others usually live in trees or among vegetation having some kind of symbiotic relationship with the protecting tree structure, worms and bugs. The two birds know and see each other every day, but don't communicate at an intelligent level. Still. the both groups enjoy nice weather throughout the year. Because the discussion about the "concept of species" still today is quite controversial, there is no need to make a difference between them in this talk, so let's just call them all birds. 

Of the birds on the left, many have poor flying abilities, and may spend an extensive amount of time in sandy areas called "beaches". On the other hand, flying species as the one on the right prefer evergreen areas where they also find some of their nutrition. The birds on beaches don't have a chance of finding anything edible in sand, and many of them use the males of their species for that purpose - in one way or another. Knowing the name of the game, in mutual understanding, the males attract the attention of the female population e.g. with floating devices equipped with a fancy looking vertical canvas. 

Inhabited buildings and houses tend to be located next to sandy areas as this is very practical for feeding purposes. If the shore line only consists of bare volcanic rocks, finding sufficient amounts of food or feasible feeding areas may sometimes be hard. As the "beach birds" aren't always able to find food, they occasionally are completely dependent on the male population. Moreover, these birds regularly seem to waste tons of exchange units for unimportant items like new "feathers" or "beak paint". For this reason, even gross approaches made by constantly circling "vultures" may be taken into account. But who's the benefactor, and who will eventually pay the bill? Or, is this a common symbiotic phenomenon, characteristic to the nature?

One of the best vulture tactics is to establish an observation post in front of a public feeding and drinking facility. Under normal circumstances a short, portable post is all that is needed (middle). However, if the bird population is in an unfortunately good nutritional state, stronger means for drawing attention may have to be applied (left). Usually, it doesn't take long before hungry birds start tweeting and gathering in the vicinity, ready to be picked up and taken into the facility. 

As a common finding, birds seem to start tweeting as soon as there is two or more of them around, but a single bird only tweets if she is connected to another by an electronic device. If the advertising male looks wealthy and well fed, the pursuit can't go wrong - with or without any electronic gadgets. There is no need to mention that appealing phenotype, suggesting perhaps thorough mating after feeding, is a big advantage in the eyes of a single bird. Except of verbal approach, also candies and recreational liquids can be used. 

 An alternative for an observation post is an appliance that represents money transactions or otherwise is related to financial stability and reliability. First of all, a crappy parking meter is hardly anything fancy. To stay on call at a street ATM is a borderline choice; there always is a chance you'll be taken as a pickpocket or you'll get robbed. However, an ATM on the wall of a major bank in a posh shopping street, providing a trustworthy impression, is a good choice. Dressing up in a streetwise manner is essential. 

The basics for this technique were first developed in common parks by old females of the non-flying species. Their habit of feeding flying birds was noticed and studied in the nocturnal meetings of non-flying males. Scattering food around seemed to attract all kinds of social birds, and if this happened on a regular basis, a potentially deceitful trust and dependence could be developed. In later invented sophisticated techniques, like e.g. wooing birds already nestling in a feeding and drinking facility, sprinkling cakes with chocolate chips and floor with champagne come in handy. 

 Overall, flying birds seem to have a better instinct for self-defence than their non-flying mates. Moving in flocks is more common, and there always is one or more eyes open for possible attacks. In terms of energy use, flying together is economical, and the fliers are good at calculating fuel consumption. When moving in a crowd or alone, their walking sisters have no problems with air resistance, but in a company they tend to attract unfavourable attention as overflowing tweeting is in some circles considered noise pollution. Watching out for danger may be ignored. Though, especially at night, they should be aware; a single bird is an easy prey. 

It is common knowledge that expected financial benefits and complicated mating system breed lots of intrigues within the non-flying population. These intrigues may arise between the individuals of opposite genders, but also against someone of the same gender. The whole setting becomes more complicated as the seduction game can be played in more than one direction, and all the parties of the game necessarily do not "appear on the stage". As mentioned above: presents, appropriately dressed mating tools and focused anticipations in this context are strong weapons. 

Not far from the Honolulu down-town, there is a harbour area, Pearl Harbor. For ages, on various pretexts, birds have tried to persuade sailors to move ashore. And why not, a male with a steady job and pension is not a bad catch. Then there is one more thing: Sailors have always been praised for their mating willingness and occasionally great capability. As an evidence of this, some of their 30-40 times magnified tools are on display in the Pearl Harbor Exhibition Area. Because of my strict family friendly publishing policy, I'm not going to go any deeper into this issue, not in any position. An ultimate means for finding suitable sailors for the above named purposes is to use cutting edge technology. Following the evening leave schedules of ship crews and planning a feasible approach tactic may be essential in a successful sailor hunt. In the Pearl Harbor Exhibition area, there is an old submarine tower where a periscope is in continuous use by the local birds.

Utilisation of stool pigeons in politics and other honest business has been common for centuries. When the background work has been done right, suitable attracting things or beings can be used for placing political or business opponents (most often of the same species) in an awkward position. The joke is that, in the same way as the "beach birds" can't resist the temptation of good food, most of the individuals of any species have a weakness or two; the actual job is to find them. Often the soft spot is related to mating rituals - again, in one way or another, or third. As flying birds are sometimes hunted with traps and decoys for nutrition, also non-flying birds can be used as set-up material for constructing so-called honey-traps. As a reward for this work, these "employees" are provided with food and other goods. So, the game goes in all directions at the same time. However, the Hawaii Department of Public Safety doesn't consider this relationship symbiosis, and the funds used for the employment are not tax deductible. 

 Honey-trap birds, or "love birds", are hunting decoys for non-fliers and usually equipped with well disclosed details, details for effortless perusing by the males of same species. "Love birds" are seldom monogamous, unlike their flying counterparts, Lovebirds (Agapornis fischeri), which strictly are. Anyway, common to these two are a bright red beak or lips, big eyes, innocent expression, charming posture of the figure and distinguishable outfit. In Hawaii, there is no natural Lovebird population, but they have been imported, live in houses with non-flying species and are supported by them. On the other hand, this is pretty much the same with "love birds"; many of them have been imported, they are dependent on other people and seldom pay the rent themselves. If the business goes bad, both of them may end up in a cage. Nevertheless, there is one more peculiar detail that is common to the both of them: they both can "fly", but only short distances. Anyway, as for the "love birds" it only is a figurative quality related to the night life in a big city. On the other hand, this will make "love birds" slightly different from ordinary "birds", and accordingly the true flying birds from Lovebirds and "love birds". Ornithological classification and terminology are complex issues. 

As a conclusion, we can say that all kinds of birds, covered in this article, have symbiotic relationships with other environmental elements. This applies to, not only Honolulu birds, but some other parts of the world too. In the next part of this populist series of scientific publications, we'll look into the symbiont cultures in the Galapagos Islands. 

As we now have learnt, there is much more to know about Hawaii and Honolulu than some coincidental names. Digging deeper into the essence of any geographic area always requires some sidelight from a well informed source or sources. I express my sincere thanks to the the United States Pacific Fleet, Nokia Siemens Networks, Hawaii Department of Public Safety, Department of Zoology, University of Hawaii and The Superman who can fly, but is not included in any of the above mentioned categories because he's fictional. 

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The picture of Lovebird was copied from Wikipedia, and published in accordance with the CreativeCommons terms http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/. Women with electronic gadgets and the Superman are from Google's picture collection, although the first ones are not fictional. 

Chewing gum modified town planning: An environmental analysis.

As a result of the continuous efforts of the Salford City Council to involve all age groups in maintaining cleanliness in the city, in the afternoon of August 9, 2011, large groups of young people got together for cleaning the streets and pavements (Picture text: North Korean News Service, NKNS). 

The following analysis is based on a research project carried out in Manchester City Centre and Salford Blackfriars Street in February 2012. Manchester and Salford City Councils are with no restrictions allowed to use these results for town planning purposes. For other users, especially cities with a population over 5 million, restrictions may apply. This project was funded by The Jeremy Clarkson Foundation for Pedestrian Safety in Salford. 

Introduction

Chewing gum stains on pavements is a common nuisance that hasn't been extensively studied from the gum user's point of view. Numerous means for removing stains have been developed, but sand blasting or chemical removal are costly and time consuming. As strict measures, as those applied in Singapore, haven't reached us yet, some other, if possible preventive approach should be found. Consuming chewing gum is a persistent habit that too many have adopted. Among others, this group includes ice-hockey coaches, players, teenagers, sub-teenagers, many post teenagers, and their parents who sometimes are teenagers themselves. It seems to be a common conception that gum chewing helps to concentrate, or is relaxing like cigarette smoking. This definitely applies to coaches as it looks cool and they can't smoke during a game. But how does it apply to school children/teenagers as they, again I suppose, are not allowed to use it in classes. Also, they have been told that it is really uncool to have a hamburger, smoke a cigarette and chew gum at same time. Perhaps for these and some other reasons people seem to practise this "vice" in the streets. This of course applies to cigarette butts too, but they are much easier to remove. Letting city pavements become covered with a wall-to-kerb layer of gum would have consequences. There is a chance that having a walking surface resembling a polyurethane running track could make shoppers move faster from one store to another and collisions of pedestrians more likely to occur. Social problems would come up as heels exceeding 6 mm should be prohibited and street artists would have hard times as chalk most likely wouldn't stick. Hot days would be a disaster.

The hypothesis of this study: Litter bin location in relation to benches, walls, churches and kerbs correlates with the amount of stray litter and chewing gum stains on pavements.

Material and Methods

The image material for this study was collected at selected locations in Manchester City Centre, Lancashire, UK, and Blackfriars Street, Salford, UK, in February 2012. The locations were selected from a random screening of 2412 spots, and fifty of the ones (total n=100) with the highest and the lowest expression of gum residues were included.

The images of chewing gum stains and spots were acquired using a Canon 8215 camera (Canon INC, Japan) and analysed with computer software (Leica IM500 Image Manager) that provided the values of gum coverage as a percentage of the total area. The statistical software in this study was SPSS version 11.5 (Inc, Chicago, Illinois USA). Chi-square test was used for comparing the gum coverage in different groups. The level of statistical significance was set to p=0.05.

The samples were classified into six groups and expressed as CREPS values 1-6 (Chewing gum Residue Expression on Paved Surfaces).

Results

1) There was a suggestive, but not statistically significant difference in the CREPS values between the samples collected in the immediate vicinity of the litter bins in front of off-licence stores or hot dog and kebab bars and the bins standing alone at at least 50 metres distance from them (Chi-square: p=0.08).

2) Bright coloured, alone standing litter bins with attractive appearance collected gum residues more effectively than ugly looking bins. This difference was significant both in Manchester City Centre and in Salford (Chi-square: p=0.03). If the bin opening faced the pavement perpendicularly (on the left), CREPS value was smaller than if it was in the walking direction (on the right), however, the difference was only suggestive (Chi-square: p=0.07).

3) When the amount of gum residue found around benches with no litter bin was subtracted from that of benches with a bin, the difference didn't statistically significantly differ from the residue expression of the immediate surroundings of alone standing bins. This "cleaned" CREPS value was used in further calculations.

4) If there was a distance of at least 21 feet between the bench and the bin, the amount of gum residue was significantly smaller around them both than alone standing benches and bins (Chi-square: p=0.04 and p=0.006, respectively). The amount of wasted gum increased about 8% per every three feet the as bench and bin got closer.

5) CREPS values next to houses and other walls were significantly higher than at the kerb, next to road (Chi-square: p=0.004). If no posts were integrated to the wall structure, the gum residues and other litter were evenly scattered along the wall.

Any posts along a wall collected effectively all loose litter as well as gum residues. Except of the actual litter, semi-fluid substances of apparently human origin were common findings.

If no real wall existed, but e.g. a metal fence on longitudinal border stones separated a park from a pavement, CREPS values next to the bordering stones were significantly higher than at the kerb (Chi-square: p=0.007).

If no fence or street bordered the pavement, a low stone border didn't collect almost any unwanted substances. The difference was statistically significant and most prominent in the vicinity of churches of any religion (Chi-square: p<0.001).

6) Where the pavement was wide, the expression of chewing gum residues per square foot was not statistically different from more narrow stretches. 

Discussion

Chewing gum may occasionally also have constructive outcomes in society. According to an unconfirmed interview, if chewing gum had been invented in his time, the famous fictional Dutch boy, Hans Brinker, would probably have used a piece of gum instead of a finger for plugging a leaking dam and for saving his home town. However, for any urban, natural environment, chewing gum stains or continuous cover do not provide any substantial benefits.

If the pavements were completely covered with chewing gum stains, illegal personal prints, à la mode Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, would be much more common than nowadays. In this case, also an illegal name plate has been mounted between the foot prints. In hot weather, grayish pavement would at least for some time have a faint peppermint scent, but as illegal hand or foot prints, it would soon disappear.

People leaving stores or bars don't seem to dispose chewing gum differently. Our original assumption was that immediately after consuming food, bar patrons use chewing gum for refreshing breath, but those who purchase gum in a store don't need it right away. This theory was rejected. Surprisingly the opening of the bin was hit more accurately if the hole didn't directly face walking gum consumers. This could be the result of a required stopping in front of the bin. If the gum user, in general, has some intention to dispose the gum properly, he needs to stop instead of just spitting or throwing the gum in direction of the bin. If the bin window is supposedly too easy, a proper try may never occur, and a sloppy failure will result.

The problematics around the combination of a litter bin and a bench has bothered town architects for decades. If the bin is too close, the space between the bin and bench will be hard to clean. If the bin is too far, reaching it from the bench is difficult, and the gum will end up on the pavement after a missed fling. According to the results of this study, the bin should be placed far enough that the individual using a bench has to stand up and walk to the bin. It means that some effort has to be made for disposing any litter properly. The principle is pretty much the same as with the direction of a bin window. In another calculation, the amount of residue around benches with no bin was subtracted from that around benches with a bin. The idea was to extract the number of missed true attempts to hit the bin; i.e. to separate it from the background-noice that in this context coincides with an indifferent attitude to common interest. Vicinity of a church improved cleanliness in all cases.

The shelter of walls and eaves often attracts pedestrians when it is raining. Also, if someone is just trying to haphazardly dispose a gum, s/he may prefer aiming it at a random object that often is a wall or a post. Those who try to avoid getting hit by a car may also select the wall side of the pavement for walking. These factors explain why, not only the amount of loose litter, but also the CREPS values are higher next to walls. The finding that this can also be seen in areas where no wall but a fence borders the pavement can as well be explained with the security element. On the other hand, loose litter ends up in places where any obstacle stops it. Posts also provide a steady rest if the upper section of a pub patron's digestive system needs to operate in reverse direction. 

It was surprising that gum stains didn't seem to concentrate where the pavement narrows. Again, there is a chance that, in terms of security, pedestrians have to pay attention to walking and balance rather than to disposing a gum. It is reasonable to deduct that narrowing pavements would serve town planning in this respect. The narrowing of pavements should be done on the wall side as the concentration of chewing gum waste there is higher than on the kerb,

A relatively narrow and clean stretch of pavement in Salford, UK. The latest town planning knowledge has been successfully utilised. A lonely, planted tree would collect randomly disposed waste and water, but a cleverly sloping surface drives unwanted materials away from compromising the health of the tree.

Conclusions

According to the results of this study, reasonable attention should be paid to the distance of litter bins to adjacent benches and the direction of the openings of bins. If pavements are narrowed, it should be done from the wall side and not from the kerb side.

Additional comments

Although no accurate data was collected, it became obvious that social pressure evident in the presence of other people at newspaper stands and kiosks or city officials' cars has a prohibitive effect on disposing chewing gum inappropriately. The authors of this study unofficially suggest that the amount of road work should be increased in the most populated urban areas.

Paradoxically, although some individuals find it hard to fit a piece of gum into a litter bin, they may find it amusing to try to squash a piece of city art in there. Unfortunately these findings were so few that no statistical results could be provided. However, when the object in these pictures had been removed from the bin, finding the bin window was easier.

Future plans

Like any muscle group, jaw muscles don't like being over exercised. Those who are prone to get their jaws or teeth sore should actually avoid excessive gum chewing as it is one of the many aggravating factors of the so-called TemporoMandibular Disorder (TMD). The group of symptoms may include pain and stiffness of masticatory muscles, poor mouth opening, pain in jaw joint or ear, migraine type of (morning) headache and even dizziness, only to mention a few. TMD is most often diagnosed by a dentist, and should always be treated by a dentist having experience in this field. The next phase of our series of studies is to find out if those suffering from TMD, because of distress, are less consistent in finding the trap door of a litter bin for disposing a piece of used chewing gum.

A scrappy biking review

Like the title, this following writing is based on anything but a logical story line or spine. It is a collection of facts that all know and aphorisms that are axiomatic although we don't necessarily recognise how good they are. The most important feature is the pictures that all should have something to do with bikes. However, even there the story is inconsistent; there are at least three pics of female figures, yes with a bike, but the bike is not the "clincher" in the picture. Then there is an "ambulance" and a cat on a Vespa... a cat attracted to a potentially poisonous buzzing insect? Then there are the diet, winter and pollution issues, but no real beef there either. Perhaps would be better if you just held your nose and would move on to the next story. I'm warning you as this may stink worse than exhaust gas.

Bicycle riders don't produce muck "pollution" if their nutrition doesn't contain excessive amounts of cabbage and beans. Even then environmental consequences would be minimal. Definitely, the Global Warming phenomenon can be excluded. On the other hand, when expertly aimed, massive flatulence could provide a rider with extra boost; of course this is fairly theoretical. Now you know why this story stinks in places.

For some reason, I didn't find any aphorisms related to this issue...? On the other hand, it's a merit, as such, for the issue...???

The Arctic Sea remains now in winter 2012 widely unfrozen. Is it for the Global Warming or something else, only the future will show; the bikers are anyway innocent. Over the unfrozen sea, warmer air masses ascend and cause high pressure that is brought to Europe by eastern winds. This creates exceptionally cold conditions e.g. in the United Kingdom. It means that bike riders are actually another group of sufferers of this development whether they have cabbage in their diet or not. However, bikers are only in a side role in this game, the polar wildlife is the most imminent sufferer, and the mother Earth is the first contender in long run; whatever it means. Perhaps I'm referring to another of my writings where the underwater Olympic Games were shortly, but so elegantly, discussed.

"When I see an adult on a bicycle, I do not despair for the future of the human race." - H.G. Wells.

People in Copenhagen, Denmark, have been forced to tolerate cold winter too; something that in the middle of this Global Warming talk sounds so weird. What makes it sound even more interesting is that this beautiful city most likely is being punished for the International Climate Conference that was held there in 2009 for establishing the Kyoto Climate Protocol worldwide. Regarding biking, Copenhagen is exceptional as up to 40% of the folks use a bike daily for going to work there. Biking has been encouraged by the government as the savings go in all directions. Thus, as a consequence, if the streets and cycle paths in 2012 get icy and slippery, a cold winter can paralyse the whole city and its infrastructure. Although, personal diet could hold the air underneath an eager biker's clothing warm, there would always be a chance to stumble and get injured. On the other hand, first aid for bruises would be easy to administer as ice would be available on the spot. Don't be stupid Esa...it doesn't help if you have a straight vision into your ear.

Whether it is winter or summer, bike parking is much more simple, but not as safe as parking a car. Against the wisdom of an old pun, the bikes in these pictures "can stand by their own although they are two-tired" (after riding to work). Taking a bike into an office would anyway be a good choice. In Copenhagen, about 20,000 bicycles are reported stolen every year, and thus only older models are being left outside in bike stands, I guess. Still, a professional thief has an embarrassment of riches in terms of bike selection. In winter, bike thefts are down as the fast fingers and cutting pliers of thieves are stiff. 

"All bicycles weigh fifty pounds. A thirty-pound bicycle needs a twenty-pound lock. A forty-pound bicycle needs a ten-pound lock. A fifty-pound bicycle doesn't need a lock." - Author Unknown.

Leaving a bike outside a grocery store or a bar may be hazardous. The most honest criminals may be recognised right away, but the most of them do not clearly show their intentions by clothing as the girl on the right. There also is a chance that the girl has been sentenced to community service. Stealing a bike is not yet considered as severe as stealing a horse sometimes was, but let's just wait until Global Warming and the lack of oil really kick in. In Kuwait, Pirjo and I both lost bikes, and the same happened again here in Manchester, UK. Moreover, a bike of our friend's that we brought with us from Norway was stolen from the same stand in the garage where our bikes were. Am I too blue eyed? It can't be Pirjo's fault anyway as her eyes were brown the last time I had a chance to look at them. So, nowadays we walk or take a tram. My spinning bike is parked safely in front of a fridge. Over the nights, I have considered chaining it to the fridge door handle; we have a massive fridge that perhaps is a major customer of E.on. We got it in Kuwait that is known for an interesting approach to energy saving and some other environmental matters.

The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community. - Ann Strong.

In Copenhagen, one of the measures to decrease the number of bike thefts has been to provide so-called city-bikes for those who need provisional muscle powered transportation. For a 20 Danish Crown charge, you can take a City-bike from an official stand, over a hundred in number, return it to another City-bike stand and get your money back. Exactly the same system as when taking a shopping cart in a supermarket; put a coin into a slot and get the same coin back when you're done. Never happens at home. The bikes on the left look really vulnerable and abandoned, but the ones on the right look only happy and urban.

Regarding beer, the Danish are famous for their excellent products, and the locals know it from experience. If it already weren't risky as such, going home from a Pub, Ølbaren or Bryhus on a bike would become an even more dangerous feat if the streets were snow covered. A kick sled would be safer. Again, in comparison with cars, parking them both is easier as it is so simple to lash a sled or a bike to a dogs' lavatory post. Finding them after a night out is another question. Nevertheless, provisions for the prevention of vehicle theft have to be made whatever means of travelling is selected. In the case of e.g. a sled, contamination with urine should also be taken into consideration. Using City-bikes would solve most fragrance related issues. Also, according to unconfirmed sources, the saddles of City-bikes will soon come with an anti-odour cover; quite a number of Ølbaren in Copenhagen have cabbage in their menu. 

"Things look different from the seat of a bike carrying a sleeping bag with a cold beer tucked inside". - Jim Malusa.

"Biking and beer do not go together, but have something in common: You have to know where you go, otherwise you may soon have a bump". - Isak.

In the promised lands of biking, commercial use of velocipedes is a common phenomenon. These bikes awake memories of the past when village stores delivered all the stuff to their "round the corner" customers. However, there is a big chance that the owner of the bike above is a follower of Bill Wilson, and is right there delivering other sort of "stuff". In Montreal, Canada, bike delivery boys and girls are every day sightings. If you check the link, you'll see their "professional" approach to the existing tough circumstances especially

in winter. The Montreal delivery persons' clothing is worth seeing; they have a culture and rules of their own.

Proper clothing is important for bikers in winter, but summers may be a bit different. Loose fitting top and sailor trousers may feel comfortable and give a feeling of freedom as all body parts move in horizontal and vertical directions with no restrains, however the looks isn't everything. Only dedicated style enthusiasts endanger the function of bike chains by wearing oversize trouser legs although warm air, rising from tarmac, keeps the legs supple. I just wonder if this lady has a colour-coded bike to all her garments. Notice that the rubbery handlebar tubes loosely match the colour of her roomy blouse. Nice. The only stylistic fault is her clogs that are yellow, and the tyres are black; partly this is compensated by the black soles of the footwear. Nice too.

In Copenhagen, except of the Police, also other pavement users utilize bikes for diverting traffic. The guys here are starting to play hopscotch, or something. The fellow on the right may have some other sort of entertainment on his mind. Another alternative is that he is proof-reading the graffiti. In autumn 2007, I spent a couple of days in Copenhagen and some localities surrounding it. Even in some small villages I saw this happening. Young people just sat still and stared at something I didn't see, perhaps they didn't either. I just wonder who had the best visions and who took them as imagination; I'm sure some took them as real. As the Netherlands, Copenhagen is well known for its liberal psychoactive drugs policy. 

Towards the end of this writing, we seem to be shifting southwards. In Kuwait, ice-cream vendors move around the city on specially modified Popsicle® bikes. During daytime in summer, outside temperature is easily +50C. I suppose the insulation of the containers is pretty good unlike that of the poor vendors who first have to ride the thing to downtown: An effort that is about 8km and easily takes an hour. The green colour of the Popsicle is supposed to conceal contamination if you didn't know. I remember the time when quite alike bikes were used for selling hot sausages in ice-hockey matches. The function of the container was of course quite opposite, and providing hot sausages definitely didn't take place in Kuwait. 

Finally, I can't resist sharing a picture that our daughter took a few years ago in Nigeria. These guys are paramedics of a local Health Centre in Mekanjira-region, and the vehicle is an ambulance. Either an occasional patient will have to make acquaintance with the paramedic's arriére, or then the paramedic is a good runner. This otherwise quite an ordinary bike has an engine for moving a patient more swiftly to a hospital. Because of this feature, bikes like this are called "motorbikes". The cat hasn't anything to do with either the ambulance or the paramedics; she has only found a warm place on the seat of a scooter. Scooters are a subclass of motorbikes, and the originally Italian brand name Vespa means a "wasp" in English. Some diehard motorbike enthusiasts call scooters "Hippies' hair dryer". The cat lives in the Muslim quarters of Beirut.

Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving. - Albert Einstein.

Then there should be a clever way to finish this talk... please, let me know if you have something!

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All excellent biking aphorisms in this writing, except my clever one, are still available at http://www.quotegarden.com/bicycling.html